currently dying on the inside a bit because of this
Its now 9:41 and i started this (to finish it) at about 7 something and
my brain is absolutley fried from writing my emotions and feelings
I just lit 3 candles and im ready to write more. I feel very just bland and meh right now, i dont know
why and i want to know so that i can go back to a not boring and repeptitive lifestyle that im currently in. Life feels very bland
and not colorful and i hate it, i want to see the world like how i did when i was a child and unable to see the bad in anything
and anyone. Evrything was good and i was able to play without thinking about my consequences and now it seems like everything i do has some
bad outcome and i hate living like that. I love life i just dont like living and i wish you could choose to escape to some weird limbo where everything
was perfect and let you live the way you want but without dying and
you could go back to reality whenever you want. I guess thats dreaming. Dreaming
is a weird concept to me, im unconscious yet your imagination is running wild and creating these images
and realisic or uunrealistic sutuations and by the time you wake up and get dressed you've forgotten all about it.
i honestly odnt know what to write anymore, ive talked about everything on my mind and exhausted
my brain even further than i could have imagined which is exhausting to my mind, i talked about everything on my mind and i need more in there.
I went for a walk with my dog on the beach and watched a beautiful sunset that was red pink some
orange and yellow which was absolutley stunning to me. /h5>
Im still writing sadly which is very boring and time consuming, i wasnt able to turn in my
20 minutes of ball work becasue ive been busy ans stressed which is never fun for me and i hate it, im still watching the gambling show again
which is heping with the boredom but ive aleady seen this show about 5 times which gets boring and repetitive. Im kind of hunrgy even though
i just ate some chicken nuggets and fries i might have some chocolate to reward myself for writing so much.
I have to get some disposable camera films to develop which is annoying and i wish we could develop them once the film runs out but we dont
have a red. room (i think thats what its called)
